The pressure originates in yourself; it builds from doubts. "Gunga galunga gunga, gunga-galunga." Would you like to see my Slazenger along with my freshly cleaned balls? My caddy says I should use a hard 7. If everything was given to you, it wouldnt feel as good when you achieve it. Annika Sorenstam, 24. Lighten up, golf is just a game after all. "The most important shot in golf is the next one." How you handle failure determines how successful you will be. Muffet McGraw, 26. Discover and share Dirty Quotes For Women Golfers. 21. Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle. Dirty jokes tend to be of sexual nature, make use of coarse language and can be offensive. 23+ Revolutionary Sayings From Corrie Ten Boom | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 52+ Knowledgeable Sayings On Cosmetologist | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 43+ Motivating Sayings On Hungry | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, TOP 50 Inspirational Golf Quotes & Sayings | Download Images, 58+ Funny Tennis Quotes | Free Images & Pictures Download, TOP 50 Funny Sports Quotes | HD Images & Pictures Download. Spread your legs a little more. Golf?! People may find dirty jokes shocking or disgusting, but no one can deny they're funny as hell! And, on top of that, the winner buys the drinks. Not sure who said it, but whoever did understands the game, at times, doesnt make much sense. To find a mans true character, play golf with him. P.G. With the exception of the putter and the driver remember that you hit down on every other shot in golf. A two-foot putt on the practice green doesnt spark many doubts. "You think so much of your old golf game that you don't even remember He looked at his caddie and said, Ive played so badly all day, I think Im going to drown myself in that lake., The caddie, quick as a flash, replied, Im not sure you could keep your head down that long.. Wodehouse, The value of routine; trusting your swing. 2. 4. Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing. Another Ball in the Trees. See more ideas about golf quotes funny, golf, golf quotes. 1. Hey babycan you suck a golf ball through 50 feet of garden hose? A golfer has to train his swing on the practice tee, then trust it on the course. Dr. Bob Rotella, 49. It's included here because of the hilarious mental image it evokes. "Golf is the perfect thing to do on a Sunday because you spend more time praying on the course than if you went to church." brockoli117 on Reddit.com. Sometimes a good joke can lighten up the mood. They call it golf because all the other four letter words were taken. Raymond Floyd. What is the similarity between four-putting and masturbation? I'd say how hard do I hit it, he'd tell me and I'd swing. Please accept the terms of our newsletter. 19th Hole Bonus Quote: While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. Are you into kinky stuff? Why do golfers carry a spare pair of golf shorts? How Long Does It Take to Play 18 Holes of Golf? When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit. He's the one getting his balls cleaned. With this in mind, here are the 10 funniest golf quotes of all time. Gerald Ford, I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because Id spent about half the day in the woods. When hes not on the green, you can find him wishing that he was Fortunately hes happy tojust chat about it here until the next time. "Golf is like a love affair. Damn, girl. Henry Beard, Golf is the hardest game in the world to play, and the easiest to cheat at. The difference in golf and government is that in golf you cant improve your lie. George Deukmejian waxing prophetic. Jordan is a golf lover and the founder of Cyber Caddie. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.". Hey would you like what you're hiding in your tight jeans to be the 34th ranked golfer in the world because I can make that V-jay sing? About 160 yards was his reply. Golf is a game invented by God to punish people who retire early. I have 17 wives, one more and I will have a golf course!. Lift your head and spread your legs. Ted Ray, I started watching golf for the first time yesterday. If there has been one fundamental reason for my success, this is it. Gene Sarazen, 22. Go Premium to get full access to our most advanced on-course and improvement features. I smile at obstacles. Tiger Woods, 13. Bring some friends, and we can play a foursome. After 18 holes I can barely walk. If you want to share these funny golf quotes pictures on social media like Fb, Insta, WhatsApp, or Twitter, you can also do that. After his practice round he noticed a beautiful young woman by the clubhouse. What did the Mormon say to his golfing buddies? Does a bear crap in the woods? Which pro golfers can jump higher than the flag? To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add correctly. How I Lost Weight Playing Golf & Other Golf Benefits, Golf And Fitness Tips from a TPI Golf Fitness Instructor, How to Improve Your Handicap and Golf Game, How To Know What Golf Club to Use on the Golf Course, Goal Setting is a Great Way to Improving Your Golf Game, Best Putters for Women 2023 Find the Best Ladies Putters, Black Friday and Cyber Monday Golf Discounts. Keep smiling and join us on Social, we'd love to have you over. The fourth putt! 1. I'll let you beat me. Tahiti. Andy. What is the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball lost in the rough? Whats one tip all golfers should follow to improve their game? Steve Bann, It is surely quite superfluous to mention / To a person who has been here half an hour / That Golf is what engrosses the attention / Of the people, with an all-absorbing power. However, every person playing the game has the basis of good mental skills for golf. Noah who? Mark Twain, The average golfer doesnt play golf. You've got the nicest boobs I've seen outside a PGA Tour locker room. Trust is one of the most important qualities in the game of golf. One minute youre bleeding. He was puttering around. Big pupils lead to big scores. What did the golfer say after performing yoga? 3. Check it out now! Do you share these funny golf jokes? Required fields are marked *. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. John shouts back in a nervous voice, Throw me my 8-iron! So we finish the 18th, and he's gonna stiff me. "If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.". "One of the reasons Arnie Palmer is playing so well is that, before each final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them. Im the best. I figured my local caddy knew this course a whole lot better than me, so I just put my hand out and played whatever club he put in it. The brush is quite thick, but he searches diligently and suddenly he spots something shiny. You can enjoy both of them even if youre terrible at it! That's why I'm hoping you, Bleacher Report readers, will add some of your own content in the comments. Your email address will not be published. happen again! Dave Barry, If you drink, dont drive. I love silly, funny, nerdy, quirky jokes. Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do. Bruce Crampton making us think more than wed like to. Toggle Navigation Menu . Keep your head down. Think the shot through in advance before you address the ball. I stepped on a rake. Henny Youngman in a high-pitched voice. Golf is a game where the ball lies like crap, but the player lies like a pro. Even though youre a little ashamed of what you have done, you know you will do it again. "Damn, my shaft is all bent." If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart." - Arthur Daley. I hope you can use them for your game and as inspiration. What did Master Yoda say when Luke sliced the ball onto the next fairway over? After 18 holes, I can barely walk. Oh my God, what have I just said?". 6. Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? Dirt your body. If you break 80, watch your business.". Draw a mental image of where you want it to go and then eliminate everything else from your mind, except how you are going to get the ball into that preferred spot. Sam Snead, 46. For true success, it matters what our goals are. Sam Snead. All he knows how to play with is Clubs! I give him the driver. "If everything was given to you, it wouldn't feel as good when you achieve it." Annika Sorenstam 24. Hi there! What kind of model is Paige Spiranac? His playing partner: Wow that was one of the most beautiful things that I have ever witnessed., Man: Well, I was married to her for 30 years.. Funny common dirty golf pictures meme Matching search results: #8: I never had one thought all week. Whats the difference between a golf ball and a car? Show Business is just to pay the greens fees." You are signed up for our newsletter! G.K. Chesterton, I dont like to watch golf on television because I cant stand people who whisper. I had a terrible round today, I only hit two good balls, and that was when I stepped on a rake. Comment * document.getElementById("comment").setAttribute( "id", "a468f26f096b5aaed8fdef8efc580f6f" );document.getElementById("h2249d7876").setAttribute( "id", "comment" ); Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. A great golf course both frees and challenges a golfers mind. Tom Watson, 7. I bet that hurts a whole lot worse than tennis elbow?. Family Game: Do you really know your Family? Dont break your heart, but flirt with the possibility. Louise Suggs, 8. 5. Is the word spelled P-U-T or P-U-T-T? She asked her instructor. It can be rewarding. Its good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. Mark Twain, the famous wordsmith who also said golf is a good walk spoiled. The battle that raged inside each players head. He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadows. Their fore-fathers! Bruce Lansky. 1. Well, I bet that these Knock Knock Golf Jokes can knock you up in the ground laughing! but I can show you what is! I like big putts and I cannot lie. Full Text: Thank you for still being my friend even though I only talk about my horse and I smell like a barn. Because it would interrupt their tea time. Steve Alten, Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. They expect to succeed! 21. If you worry about the ones you missed, you are going to keep missing them. Walter Hagen, 47. ", It's not the size of your putter that counts, its how many strokes you take. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Flat edges for shelf-sitting Full Text: And yet another day has passed and I did not use algebra once. Success depends less on strength of body than upon strength of mind and character. Arnold Palmer, 52. Are you a water hazard? That round was so poor, I think Im going to jump into the lake by the 16th and drown myself, I honestly doubt that. I hope you like it rough because I don't replace my divots. See more ideas about golf humor, golf, humor. 5. What is a golfers favorite bird? A large pine tree sits in front of his ball, directly between it and the green. Originally posted by raffa nunyez. No, but I'm willing to screw in them. GOLF DIGEST MAY EARN A PORTION OF SALES FROM PRODUCTS THAT ARE PURCHASED THROUGH OUR SITE AS PART OF OUR AFFILIATE PARTNERSHIPS WITH RETAILERS. Always make a total effort, even when the odds are against you. Arnold Palmer, 65. The true funniest golf quotes of all time are likely never put to paper and aren't spoken by golfers or celebrities. 3. The reason most politicians are golfers is that they lie better with more practice & experience. We share them in our weekly newsletter. Andy to ave a water golf ball retriever for the round with you! Just ask my ex -wives. The guys who come If you think youre standing too close to the ball, make sure youve actually struck it with your club after swinging. 2. To find a man's true character, play golf with him. This post may contain affiliate links. What do you jot down if you dont remember if you hit a 6 or a 7? Besides that, I love to explore. Colleen Ferrari Bader, And does the man walk always so? If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. Jack Lemmon, a true comedian on and off the course. Get in the hole! A two-foot putt to win a bet or a tournament or a Masters is another thing entirely. "Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Showing 1 to 56 of 56 entries Click me to show the form! Golf: a game where you yell fore, you get six, and you write five. The worst club in my bag is my brain. Chris Perry, 42. If you like football - I would rather think that you are active, optimistic and strict a bit. Putter Around. As in, surf the web, gather knowledge, and share them. Just in case they get a slice! How do you "Tiger" proof a golf course? Mini Golf Captions. Your email address will not be published. Funny and dirty medical pick-up lines and doctor hook-up lines. no! -Happy Gilmore. if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); course sometime. Apparently, you cant get out of here with a seven. Knock, knock Golf is such an individual game, and no two people swing alike. Kathy Whitworth, 14. Touch is something you create by hitting millions of golf balls. Whats the difference between golf and sex? Bruce Lansky, Author. Theres enough stress in the rest of your life not to let bad shots ruin a game youre supposed to enjoy. Amy Alcott, 15. Arnold Palmer is playing in a big tournament and comes to a 235 yard par-3. The lowest score wins. 7. 150 Puns From All Walks of Life. I'm Tiger Woods. Achieve more with each and every round you play.Go Premium to et full access to our most advanced on-course and improvement features. "Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off.". A great shot is when you pull it off. 2. Chip Shot. Instead of worrying about making a fool of yourself in front of a crowd of 4 or 40,000, forget about how your swing may look and concentrate instead on where you want the ball to go. Dave Hill, My swing is then adjusted / as words take off and fly / And landing safe beyond the trap / to make the devil cry. Gone golfin' be back dark thirty. However, it's been poisoned for me by the fact that it was often relayed to customers at a golf course I worked at by an overweight 90-year-old man while I awkwardly feigned amusement in repeated moments of shared weirdness. My windows aren't dirty, that's just my dog's nose art! My swing is so bad, I look like a caveman killing his lunch. It takes a lot of balls to play golf knowing youre a bad golfer. Achieve more with each and every round you play. I collected hilarious jokes about golfing; some are very clean and others are like an old golf ball: pretty used and dirty. As you walk down the fairway of life, you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round. Ben Hogan, 25. Henry Beard, Like clubs inside my golf bag / each verse a different face / Some to drive straight down the course / others lift and then embrace. No defenders, no game clock, no excuses. Always keep learning. If I learn that you are a fan of diving - I would suppose that your psychological portrait includes such features as curiosity, patience, and insistence. 3 / 10. Gardner Dickinson, Golf, like the measles, should be caught young, for, if postponed to riper years, the results may be serious. What are a golfers favorite flowers? 7. Recently, I have discovered that Blogging can be quite a useful way, to share. Why are golf and sex so similar? He said. Funny Family Poems. Jennifer Wyatt, Muscular freedom is probably more important in golf than in any other sport, but very few players take the trouble to get loosened up. Check out these hilarious jokes that are guaranteed to make you smile. There are no time constraints, as there are in other sports. I told my coach I got a new set of clubs for my wife. When is it too wet to play golf? Features: Size: 7x18 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Some of the best cowboys aren't boys Features: Size: 7x7 inches Made from solid knotty pine Flat edges for shelf-sitting Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Because if you aren't hurt, you're not really trying. Answer: Roarin Mcilroy. Why dont grasshoppers play golf? The next minute youre painting the Mona Lisa.. Many of them contain words and phrases that are unable to grace this slideshow. Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated; it satisfies the soul and frustrates the intellect. 47 Hilarious Quotes About Driving. Why a carrot as a logo? Lift your head and spread your legs. Whether you are watching or playing golf, everyone loves a good golf joke thats why weve rounded up these Funny Golfer Jokes that you and your friends can laugh about! Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. Paul Harvey calling every golfer out. The most important shot in golf is the next one. Ben Hogan making a joke, we think, it was hard to tell with him. J.R. Rim, Till saints and angels hymn forevermore / The miracle of your astounding score / And He who keeps all players in His sight / Walking the royal and ancient hills of light / Standing benignant at the eighteenth hole / To everlasting Golf consigns your soul. The secret of good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight, and not too often. Everyday I'm Schauffele. What hot new enhancement pill can you use to beef up your game? What does masturbation and 4 putting have in common? It means, in so many words, that if you can golf when the wind is blowing youre a man; if not, youre still a boy. Concentrate on the one fault you want to overcome. Sam Snead, 55. Whos there? Get a Free Golf Handicap in the 18Birdies App. nay I my child, and eke, oh! Mar 14, 2021 - Find the best golf humor and cartoons on this board by www.GolfBallsUnlimited.com. Ben Hogan, I dont play golf to feel bad, I play bad golf, but I feel good. A young man with a few hours to spare one afternoon figures that if he hurries and plays very fast, he can get in nine holes before he has to head home. Because he thought every day he needed to play around. "Of course I do, my dear -- it was the day I sank that thirty-foot Just as in life, you are presented with options; its up to you to decide which ones suit you best. Sandra Haynie, 30. "Hockey is a sport for white men. A threesome were getting ready to tee off on the 10thwhen they notice a single player, running up the fairway, taking a shot almost immediately to then run up to the green for a 3 putt to put it in. George Deukmejian waxing prophetic. And now it will be poisoned for you. The Dalai Lama himself. "The reason a pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.". What do you getll a blonde at the driving range? My shaft is bent. Philip Wyeth, Hitting down is an important part of iron play. What does a golfer do on his day off? Ben Hogan, I know I am getting better at golf because Im hitting fewer spectators. Beyond this, the comedian and violinist (an epic combination) made the above joke about golf. He always puts his driver in the wrong bag. Here, have a carrot! Go to the golf course. Wash your balls. Theres no sense in going to a tournament if you dont believe that you can win it. Tiger Woods, 20. I never prayed that I would make a putt. Keep your sense of humor. So what are you waiting for? Success depends almost entirely on how effectively you learn to manage the games two ultimate adversaries: the course and yourself. Jack Nicklaus, 45. Paul Harvey, While playing golf today I hit two good balls. Why did Arnold Palmer get beat up? He hauls off and whacks onebig hitter, the Lamalong, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Its almost a law. Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines. These words carry the feeling for those you care about and those who care about you. I like to go low. How do you know a golfer is cheating on his wife? Watch their eyes. He went up to her, talked to her, and convinced her to come back to his hotel room for the night. Try choking donw on the shaft. A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf clubs. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it. They dont have the heart for it. What do you call a blonde at the driving range? Or on top." "I have lovemaking with you a lot in my head." "Let's have a 'who's better in b3d' contest. Do you know what the Lama says? Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "Its golf balls." Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course the space between your ears. He sat down next to a beautiful blonde. "We learn so many things from golfhow to suffer, for instance." Lansky's quote is funny because, well, as golfers we're all a little bit masochistic. Jack Lemmon is probably remembered best for his roles in The Odd Couple and The Apartment. I give the ball some sweet talk. Damn, my shaft's all bent. Your source for the latest and greatest golf news, tips, gear reviews, and giveaways. We have compiled the best list of pick up lines with references to golf style, golf clubs, golf course, and various famous golf celebrity. Her husband thought that this was a riot and laughing said, Right train, wrong ticket., The wife failed to see the humor and not cracking a smile replied, No sleeper cars on that train either, Best Dad Jokes - the Good, the Bad, the Terrible, Fun Game: Jokes and Riddles Conversation Starters. Wanna be my caddy? A young golfer was playing in his first PGA Tour event. Who taught Elin Nordegren to swing a golf club? I like big putts and I cannot lie. You get bad breaks from good shots, good breaks from bad shots - but you have to play where it lies." Bobby Jones 23.
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dirty golf quotes