I am now trying to get into health club manament and the barriers for that seem less difficult. I fail to see the point of continuing further. BTWsome in your wifes position build great insurmountable resentment. Mayo clinic advises to avoid, because they are not FDA approved and because they didn;t go the pathway of long term human trials are to be avoided. We have had a lot of therapy through the years, but even after all this time I feel sexually numbed, completely disinterested and unable to respond.i still feel the need to be held by him and I love him so much, I felt so guilty. I could care less what he says or does. She has just lost interest. This whole situation sucks for all of us. I cant believe I will be in this misery for the remainder of my life and I am only 55. Reaching orgasm can become difficult or seem impossible.". Post-menopausal sex, for many women, is a meal offering little flavour or nutrition. Behind heart broken!!! I am free to masturbate without hiding it, just dont ask for sex, ever. I would like to add that many women also feel a great deal of resentment which builds over time I had literally experienced everything you mentioned in your post and then I had a bilateral mastectomy and chemotherapy for breast cancer. For men the cost is being far more productive than hed need to be if caring only for himself and to forsake all other partners in pairing with his wife exclusively. It sounds like you need a little bad-boy edge to get her engine revving. Enjoy your life as my dear friend you only go around once. And pressure is a total libido killer that can set off a cycle of sexual avoidance, according to AASECT-certified sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman, M.A. Amen. Be grateful you were able to find someone in life to love and be loved by, many of us take this for granted not realizing how many lonely people there are out there who were never as lucky as we have been. Maybe you are the only one getting pleased and thats not fun. But at this point I dont think her interest in sex will ever revive, so what would your advice be? I said well, (while pointing to my head) by the time you heal I will have checked out up here, I will be looking at women and wondering if they would be fun to be with. I have stayed in the marriage because of my kids and other family issues which go beyond this comment. Also shes happy without sex after her hysterectomy and gal bladder surgery. Its no secret that sex after marriage tends to become monotonous, especially if neither partner makes an effort to keep the fire of passion burning. I have spoken to my wife several times. (d.head || d.body).appendChild(s); My current wife was 49 and I was 54 when we met and sex was twice a day for over a year, When she proposed to me, I raesoned that she was a good friend and sex was more then satisfactory, so I accepted. I just go to AA now instead (I drank too much for 10 years because of no sex) & have great old fashioned men friends and conversations of good life practices. Hes changing tooisnt capable of long walks or hikes anymore, which is still something I love to do. Isnt going to happen. When I have a follow up, with a surgeon next month, even though it is not cancer, I will discuss wether or not I should give up the vaginal hormone. I have a simple fix for all this. They seem just as happy as any other married couple. The dog loves her. I didnt have children hoping and wishing things would change!!! In the room. Never thought it would happen to me, but it has, plus some other medical problems that leave me exhausted. Only your wife herself can tell you the exact reason why she's not interested in having sex with you. If both parties dont want to change things (and only one does) then unfortunately the situation is probably doomed. . Dont fool yourself into thinking that what you say or how you say it will somehow turn her back on. The fact that she cant be bothered to take a few minutes in the shower to manually make things right tells you everything you need to know. nuff said. This can be difficult since, statistically, couples are not as willing to talk about sexual matters the same way they would other conflicts, such as children or finances. I get it and don't want to add to her stress. Our sex life slowed, separated, and each found partners. Ohh my! It seems a waste in the end. So in summary, WHAT ARE THE OPTIONS IN THIS KIND OF SITUATION? I told him I heard him doing that and I told him if he ever did that again I would divorce him. This can lead to her becoming physically and emotionally distant in the marriage. If you notice intimacy is fading from your marriage, heres what to do when your wife wont touch you. I think that the advice to seek a trained sex therapist, and the encouragement to increase communication between this man and his wife is appropriate and excellent. Hormonal therapy can give you cancer, stroke. We had a normal sex life up till last year 3/4 times a week, but at Christmas, during the middle of the day, where our 2 daughters could have walked downstairs and seen him, I happened to come around the corner near his office to see him standing there watching porn and masturbating, after we just had sex that morning. Because then who leads? Anyway, I was so turned on by this guy (in love too)that just seeing him or us simply hugging was a major Turn-On. In addition to working with individuals in her private practice, Kelly serves as the Sex & Relationships Editor at mindbodygreen. Ive always had this feeling from the first of our marriage that he felt somewhat uncomfortable having sex but that it was permissible if we were trying to procreate, but never just for fun or enjoyment. I have had a suspicious breast biopsy. Ive even had the gumption to suggest that if HE doesnt desire sex, then maybe he could still give me pleasure. he will not give me a divorce so yes take a lover if you need too cause feeling wanted, desired, and loved, is like food we all need it and deserve it! It is very common for middle aged women to wind up being hypothyroid. When I was single it didnt bother me I just figured I was easily bored sexually. Thats it, you said it thats what the woman loves. Maybe, she knows of your infidelity, but hasnt spoken about it? I cannot believe that is wasnt suggested that the LWs wife work with a functional doctor who can work with plant based bio identical hormones that can probably increase her desire. Thank you for sharing! Its a two-way street as are most things in marriage. This really sucks. I agree with Roger, I get more laughs, and more insight, from the comment section! He decided hed have an affair. Demetria, so how old are you now? She has owned her own retail furniture store for 10 years and has expressed her desire to sell and get a job until retirement. Jack- SHe aint lost brother. Anyway, I simply want you to know that as many women as men are trapped in this sadness. We received a relationship query from a man who wanted to spice things up with his wife of 29 years, but was struggling to make headway because of the spouses inhibitions. Knowing I will never be wanted again in that way by her or any woman corrodes my spirit a little more each day. Theres more to life than that, theres more to life than escapingtheres connecting deeper with your partner, taking more trips, spending more time together, learning more skills, building or supporting others together, getting involved in your communities more! ITS HIS POUTING and defeatist attitude! I wish I could be fulfilled without sex, like many women as they age. Just because one grows older doesnt mean that sex is over. My wife and I hadnt had sex for more than a year. Some doctors will prescribe testosterone and advise DHEA supplementation. Go out and kill a hog, punch a younger guy in the face, ride a harley, do a steroid cycle. To the men out there, moaning about their wives loosing interest, think about how you would feel after loosing your testicles. Get some technique. Also, I have experienced ageism in the job market. * PLATFORM OR CMS. Its at least mean . He tries to manipulate me about everything and after 30 years of marriage I am over it. My husband never had my love of sex. Juggling household and professional responsibilities single-handedly is no easy feat. Marriage is a dream or a fantasy. What to do about it: If you've talked about all the other reasons on this list and mutually feel great about your relationship (talk to her about thisdon't assume! Foreplay isnt just in the bedroom before sex. No love no sex. Fix it. Find someone who finds you attractive, become more attractive, get in shape (thats key). Many seniors are in the same situation and we feel your pain. and possibly evil. Now married to number 3. When your partner wont touch you, its important to take a look at any mental health issues that may be affecting them. In such cases, it is imperative to get the right kind of help and hold your wifes hand through this extremely challenging journey. Just like mental health, physical well-being is also essential for women to feel sexually charged up. Plus, a lack of communication might have created this distance. Her vagina is dry as a bone and she doesnt like penetration at all, either from me or her own fingers. Expert Lists 13 Reasons, 43 Romantic Date Night Ideas For Married Couples, 44 Unique Birthday Wishes For Husband To Convey Your Love, 33 Most Romantic Things To Do For Your Wife, The Best 51 Anniversary Wishes For Husband, 6 Facts That Sum Up The Purpose Of Marriage. I really miss the intimacy we used to have when we were sexual. not someone to basically jerk off into. 1. I read this article, and it sounds easy to find therapy/solutions. As long as we had a steady job and didnt look like Shrek, shed settle for us. Will, I dont see ruling the relationship and demanding that a wife relieve her husband, even if shes sore or unwilling, as a solution to anything except an unhappy wife. It is frustrating, but I would never give up our marriage over it. I actually considered early in my marriage that my husband might lean toward being gay and thats why he was somewhat uncomfortable having sex with me. . And for the love of god stop watching fake porn. I understand that kids, work, and home projects can weaken your, As your wife pushes you away, you might feel tempted to use porn, but porn robs you of genuine desire for your wife. I will do what makes me happy because obviously no one else will. I remember when certain words did the trick. I am fairly attractive and I. Especially if you once had a, One reason your wife never initiates affection may be stress related. Im just not happy & want much more for in life. . Should I ask her what our sex future will be? Be patient with her as she works on herself, and the two of you refocus on your marriage. Ive tried vacations, dates, sex toys, lubricants, vitamins, blah blah blah..when a gal is not sexually attracted to you and is generally more than willing to never have sex again cuz (insert the reason I dont understand here) shes not going to change at 70. has he? Im guessing because you are complaining that your 59 year old husband is fat, lazy, snores and is demanding is the reason you dont have sex anymore? Weve been married for 37 years. Men my advice is dont get married or move in with women if you love sex. Then tell them what your plans are or not, but do not put your sexual and intimacy needs on hold the rest of your life because it is the sign you love someone. Maybe she rejects your sexual advances whenever you make them, and it's been a long while since you've had sex with each other. "As we age, the vaginal lining becomes thinner, less elastic, and produces less moisture. Who knows, maybe something will change as nothing stays the same. To some it may even taste nasty. Sometimes I just want fuck all night long but the woman I love has no interest. Havent had regular sex in years, just a HJ or BJ on 8 or 9 month intervals typically. Women arent suitable for long term monogamy. I realize this rant may seem to be about my needs, but I think I deserve the right to a fulfilling life. You have to find a life without him. But after years without, I cant help but fantasize about past experiences, which makes me feel SO guilty. I made the decision that I would just say screw it and NOT think about sex at all. I have (age 60+) gone right off sex. Neither partner should have to feel obligated to satisfy the other out of some outmoded quasi religious relief or instruction, my wife is wonderful in many ways but now has reached, she believes, a stage[67] where she has no desire, except release masturbation , thats my misfortune but I try to understand. The night my son died was when my loss of interest began, in fact it vanished, period. My wife and I now both sleep with settled stomachs (and I dont wake hungry in the night). Peace. He wanted to break the monotony in the relationship, but she simply wouldnt open up. I cant live another 30 years with him like thus. Finally someone is pointing out this is not a divided hate forum. But each night i rub her feet and tickle her thighs..she just lays there ..and I go out and sleep in a recliner. When a wife who has to cook, clean, take care of the kids, do the laundry, pick the kids up from school and take a couple of classes she is too tired to perform another task after all that she has done in one day. In case you have nothing to hide, work on communication exercises with your partner to be able to tell her that there is no need for trust issues. For everything there is a season. Denied the enjoyment, should they be expected to put the same effort into the preparation? In this new gynocentric west, the only answer is to find non-western women or women who were not raised in the west. Even if it is difficult, do everything you can to put yourself in her shoes. She would use the excuse of my children may interrupt, although I would point out we have a lock on the door. Must he provide her preferred amount of resources (which is much higher than he himself needs) while also accepting her preferred amount of sex (which is much lower than he himself needs) under the guise of equality? Without the energy of wooing, the fear of missing out if we do not woo, we fall into complacency and boredom. Now both in our early 60s, she has lost the desire for sex and has pain issues as well. I found him to be the most attractive man Ive ever met! However, another simple answer is that she isnt used to being the initiator. We went to separate colleges and this was before cell phones and computers. I love her. Im 47 and this happened to me. I understand your pov at a level you may not understand (sorry) or appreciate. When a woman notices that you have an affinity for what she loves, she gets curious, thereby increasing her desire for you. Start your own discussion on this topic on Senior Planet Community. According to my research MOST sexless couple dont divorce. I ruled our marriage & family and still do. Thomas, I agree! Always happy to help. With her warm, playful approach to coaching and facilitation, Kelly creates refreshingly candid spaces for processing and healing challenges around dating, sexuality, identity, body image, and relationships. Equality sounds great in principle people should be equal, right? You need to find a woman who respects you and wants to be intimate with you on a consistent basis. Theres always a lot going on in the Senior Planet universe. People need to be kept warmed up all the time before things can get hot again, they need to feel wanted, appreciated and valued before they actually want sex and are in the mood for sex. Ive read about vaginal atrophy and would guess she has it. She even went from sleeping naked in bed to full pajamas and on the rare occsion she would have sex to me, remove only her panties like a robot. Over the years this causes deep anger and then revulsion in the female. The idea that anyone has to resort to porn, masturbating or ignoring their own healthy needs and desires to actually connect skin to skin with their partner while exchanging looks and words of passion and enjoying, it is wrong. ( Keep cardio to a minimum and stay away from the weight machines) I kid you not. However, some comments are not welcome here as violations of our Comment Policy. I caught her in a flirtation as she calls it, with her boss. You can be honest while also being flexible and compassionate. She said that I can take care of myself in the shower and that is just fine with her. Please ask your husband if hell see a counselor with you to save your marriage. So we settle. Period. In my case our problems are ever deeper in that ours is a Love /Hate relationship. To you guys in a sexless marriage for years, and she wont even talk to you about it? Talk to your wife about the lack of intimacy, 11 Lovely Ways To Date Your Spouse Spice Up YourMarriage, 200 Newlywed Game Questions For That Instant Bonding, 45 Questions To Ask Your Husband For A Heart-To-Heart Conversation, Why Is Marriage Important? I dont know what to do! And somehow we have convinced ourselves sex has become less important to us as we age and replaced by the comfort of just knowing we love one another? She mentioned that I find a sex partnerI dont know. I have no issues with my performance and dont need ED meds. I am desperate. So much hurt involved, and guilt. As Gopa points out, the reasons can stem from resentment to communication gaps or personal issues. BIG ZERO, NADA FOR 18 MONTHS NOW! That being said, my wife and I married young. That was 28 years ago. Once the women have these needs fulfilled the sexual desire for the man that gave them all the things they desired goes away. But certainly different than when we were younger. I knew I had to do something. Lifes too damn short for no pleasure. We could be spontaneous. Just told her I wasnt going to follow all her B.S rule and moved out of the bedroom. We married late, were both 40, and our sex life was fantastic. We havent had sex in months. In the end, she doesnt want it and I have stopped caring. Marriage vows are till death do you part. I love him and still desire him (even though he lost his hair and gained a gut!!) No way you are real!!! My husband will not have sex with me anymore. Sometimes when a woman becomes a mother, it can affect the way she sees herselfand the way her partner sees her. Also, make sure you share the housework equally, including the mental load. We both have health issues If your spouse has been going through such a patch, you must be a supportive husband post-pregnancy. I guarantee most who do this will start feeling like a sex machine. Without going into details - I am 100% certain that it was satisfying for both of us. I have rekindled a relationship that ended over fifty years ago with a woman I dated right before I met my wife. She has a degree in journalism from Northwestern University, and shes been trained and certified by leading sex and relationship institutions such as The Gottman Institute and Everyone Deserves Sex Ed, among others. Medication also he ls good to me but his hobby ls everything to him he jokes around with me we are like room // IMPORTANT: Replace EXAMPLE with your forum shortname! Sounds to me like youve picking your men from the bar. I hope that she too will woo me, always, as well. I have given up trying since the rejections and sometimes total indifference is devastating. So our sex lives dwindled until around 15 years ago she realized a more regular sex life might be a good thing. Or when she does get in the mood again 45 minutes to get hard and going and he is done like always within a minute and he rolls over and goes to sleep. Hmmm. 2. I think if my husband was interested in sex, even if it is too small and limp now, he would at least try to help ease my throbbing desire. We havent had sex in over a year and a half because of my wifes lack of interest. In some cases, this can escalate intopostpartum depression, which is a common reason why many women experience a lack of sexual desire after childbirth. Never unfaithful. Im a 68, fun, attractive, domestic woman who loves intimacy. First, do not deny your needs any more than you would deny yourself your favorite food, movie, book or music. Your husband is a very lucky man. Really its happening with many couples as the year goes and children born the interest goes down. Kelly Gonsalves is a multi-certified sex educator and relationship coach helping people figure out how to create dating and sex lives that actually feel good more open, more optimistic, and more pleasurable. My other half sees it as rejection and makes angry threats. I have been married since 1983. I read this with interest. love him & my family and weve been married for 34 years & 5 years before that. I dont know if thats whats happening for her, and of course the only way to know is to ask her. Yeah. Weve been married for 27 years and have 3 adult children. In addition, he doesnt suffer from ED or any other similar issue, but he seems to feel that sex is for procreation and once that part of life is over (as it surely now is), so is sex! My wife avoids intimacy a vast majority of married men live with this nagging feeling, sometimes for years on end. Hi Christi, the best thing about this article is the comment section! I feel very blessed, because my gynecologist put me on low dose hormone therapy. Shes not. 2nd doctor also said the same thing. Being a mom is a 24-7 job with a constant cycle of happiness, stress, and worry. I am 64 now and have had some vaginal atrophy, which made penetration hurt, but I take a vaginal pill twice a week. I have to listen to her telling me I am fat etc. If your wife wont have sex, it could be that she just doesnt feel close to you anymore, and the idea of being intimate makes her feel too vulnerable. Womens sex drives are based on fulfilling other non sexual needs such as wedding, marriage, home ownership, babies, cars, money etc etc. I have noticed in the last two months that most forms of affection have dissapeared. Just be sensitive to what she's going through: If she's dealing with a significant illness or painful condition, for example, it may not be appropriate to push for more sex at this time. Take care. Ive just seen this ,not sure when posted .ive tried so hard to get wife to have sex .she says menopause.then I gave up.but other we I had a beer and told her how I felt .silly beer a..so she been trying to start sex but my body has closed down to her .im worried ive turned off to her mentally.I do love her but shes noticed im not getting aroused like I used too .and now shes saying I prefer porn, but its how ive got by for so long.its really .mested up.im 53sorry. We dont understand anything about foreplay or romance.
my wife doesn't touch me sexually anymore