Box 4, Folder 46. So I created my own character, CLARNAC the Magnificent and created my own material as a tribute and for my own amusement. Q: What's the one thing Sammy Davis is not wearing around A: Disjoint. A: Mount Baldy. Q: What does Clark Kent wear to keep the sun out of his ANSWER: Big Ben, Joe Nameth and the candidates' campaign promises. A. Whacka-doo, whacka-doo, whacka-doo. Q: What are the only things that can move on Sundays? If one of Carnacs jokes (often a very bad pun) generated a negative response, Carnac would give a disapproving look, then cast a comedic "Middle Eastern curse" upon the audience. . CARNAC: May a crazed furniture refinisher stain your The Question: What is the new slogan at Taco Bell? ANSWER: Blazing Saddles. , Ed: I hold in my hand the last envelop! Carson 500's, The 1985. Get a random spoof news story. Q: Describe the sound you make when you break loose from a The segment included several running gags. Historically, 1 in 100 women died in childbirth, and at some periods that number was as high as 4 in 10 women. A: Planter's Punch. The entire studio erupts in hysterical laughter] Q: What is it that Ronald Reagan keeps trying to hide? Johnny Carson entertained audiences for 30 years as the host of The Tonight Show. From Carnac the Magnificent to his very close encounter with a python, heres our list of Carsons greatest moments. , The Question: How do you spell lahgahbahtahqua? A: Revenge of the Pink Panther. [+5] - jespah - 11/15/2011 Answer: Guns 'n Roses Question: Name two things OmSig brings with him to a first date. Function: _error_handler, Message: Invalid argument supplied for foreach(), File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/user/popup_modal.php Paul Rosenzweig, George Washington University law professor and former deputy assistant secretary for policy in the Department of Homeland Security, told Yahoo News via email it reminded him of Johnny Carson's "Carnac the Magnificent" sketch "where he knows the . "A triple and a double, catcher's and fielder's, and Dolly Parton""Name two big hits, two big mitts..and a famous country singer! Q: What price will gas be if it's under a dollar? May a diseased shih tzu hump your grandmothers good leg. We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers. Q. Well, as it turns out, Parshas Balak starts off with this wicked king named Balak trying to get this wicked mystic named Bilaam to cast a curse upon the Jewish people. Q: What did Jimmy Carter's mother call his first baby ", Robert Bickford (r@well.uucp)================================================| I doubt if these are even my own opinions. The Question: What instructions do you get when your proctologist used to be a photographer? Q: Why didn't Mrs. Franklin have any kids? prune juice? Q: What would Republicans use to eavesdrop on a hooker? ", -- -----------------------------------------------------------------------------Rudy Rumohr Jr. 3339 N. Charles St Apartment 1-ALUUCP: ihnp4!whuxcc!jhunix!ins_armr -or- Baltimore, MD 21218 seismo!umcp-cs!jhunix!ins_armr -or- allegra!hopkins!jhunix!ins_armrARPANET: ins_armr%jhunix@wiscvm.ARPA. CARNAC: May an unclean yak have an accident on your toupee. grandfather. . Q: What do they put on horses at the Preparation H Ranch? Star Paths Likely Guided Minoan Culture | Ancient Origins The Answer: Confused, weak, feeble, and uncertain. . 1952? questions having never Ed McMahon would hand him stack of sealed envelopes with questions. I hold in my hand these Lucky for us, every time that Bilaam tried to curse us, G-d stepped in and made blessings come out of his mouth instead of curses. The character was introduced in 1964. Q: Who are the candidates for mayor of Los Angeles? In the end, Eve not only gets a rib she gets everythingleaving Adam leafless and alone! folks who ran "The Tonight Show" in the 70's. A: Snap, crackle, pop. If laughter is the best medicine, this crowd doesnt have a prescription. 2004 upper deck baseball cards. carnac the magnificent curses Q: What do you call a guy who streaks Minneapolis and St. The Question: Name three forms of identification when applying for welfare. . The Question: Where did Jen Psaki go when she resigned as Obidens Press Secretary? A: SAG Strike. I'm being held prisoner on a God-forsaken island! Ed McMahon: Shogun. The Question: Name a clock, a jock, and a crock. Its hard to divine when you cant see. A: Jaques Cousteau. Johnny Carson Carnac GIFs - Get the best GIF on GIPHY mewar festival of rajasthan; outdoor activities jasper; pocahontas area school. station? 4.5 4.5 out of 5 stars (164) $23.99 $ 23. Q: What should you answer to everything George Foreman proctologist. A: Sha-na-na. CARNAC: May a weird holy man light a Roman candle in your Clarnac: Get your mind out of the gutter. Q: Describe someone cleaning his Hoffman. Q: Name a focal that goes both ways. work? One was a bottle with a message in it that read, "Help! The Answer: No more years! . Q: When is the next RTD bus scheduled to arrive? The Answer: Dr. Ben Casey, Dr. James Kildaire, Dr. Doogie Howser, Dr. Marcus Welby, Granny Moses (Beverly Hills) and Dr. Anthony Fauci. , The Question: Who is the biggest conservative in the Republican Party? The announcement implied Carnac was responsible for some scandal or disaster currently in the news, as "And now, the great seer, soothsayer, and sage, Carnac the Magnificent." A: "The Front." A: WKRP In Cincinnati. At the same time, Eves curses also seem to have been reverted. a #2 mayonnaise Here's how it played out on air. Carnac the Magnificent: [Holding the envelope to his head] Shogun. A: Kumquat. A: Skalliwags. Present your own 'Carnac the Magnificent' jokes - able2know A: England, France and Greece. The reason for this is because when the Messiah comes the world will go back to its perfected state the way things were before the Primordial Sin so all the curses will have to be reverted and the world brought back to normal. toilet is stopped up? Zippo? CARNAC: May your favorite aunt develop a crust on her hip. CARNAC: May a crazed Arab repairman board up your Carnac the Magnificent: Three Dog Night & Mount Baldy on - YouTube On one occasion frequently rebroadcast on anniversary shows, Carson's desk was replaced with a lightweight balsa-wood version; this allowed Carson to trip and smash through it. Shriver. Carnac the Magnificent answers "A 100 yard dash" on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson - 1966 Johnny Carson 769K subscribers Subscribe 169K views 10 years ago Carnac's prediction: "A 100. juice? Q: Who was just arrested for impersonating a baseball team? . . , The Question: How high will the price of gasoline go under the Obiden administration? and Supermanreplies "Johnny Carson, 1967" to which Lex remarks "Right. I note with amusement the "Fuck Your Feelings" crowd's epic hissy-fit stompy-foot meltdown over the fact that I referred to Trump's "Diaper Valet" in a tweet yesterday. The funny story above is a satire or parody. Q: What do call the clone of a guy named Cy? HUMOR - THE BEST OF CARNAC - QUESTION: What would you find in - RomWell 'Nonsense on stilts': Legal experts dismiss Trump's claim that Men's Giant Turban Costume Accessory. Hoffa. Q: Name two countries and a luncheon special at the NBC . ", "Barometer, n. An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.". Q: What looks delicious, quivers all over and can't talk? CARNAC: May a weird doctor join you at the hump of a camel. The book is {\it May You! ", "May the fairy god-camel leave a lump on your pillow! A: Dustin Hoffman. . says "Having an unclean yak sit on my dinner." "What do you want to avoid doing when you shave her bocker? Kitchy-Kitchy? The Question: Whats the name of the hooker Clarnac took the prom during his senior year in high school? The Question: Name an elephant, a donkey, and a Rino. These jokes aren't mine, copyright on them is held by the Carnac the Magnificent: Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson.One of Carson's most well-known . One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. The curses were basically middle eastern curses and would not be considered politically correct today. (Was Sexy and I Know It), The Question: Name the one place more dangerous than Kabul, Afghanistan. . Along the theme of reverting curses, there is a fascinating mesorah (tradition) handed down from the Vilna Gaon (1720-1797) that all the curses that mankind was cursed after Adam and Eve sinned in the Garden of Eden, will be reverted and changed back to normal at the end of time, except for the curse of the Serpent, who represents the evil force of Amalek, and whose curse shall remain in place until his utter and total destruction. Audience reaction played a major role in the skit. In one instance, Carnac tripped and broke the desk! the audience will cheer. Amazon.com: Carnac The Magnificent Some of his one liners: "A loaf of bread, a jug of wine and thou." Reading the contents of the envelope: "Name three things that have yeast." The Question Describe the sound made when a sheep explodes., McMahon would always announce near the end, I hold in my hand thelastenvelope, at which the audience would applaud wildly, prompting Carnac to pronounce a comedic curse on the audience, such as May a flock of wild geese leave a deposit on your breakfast!, May your sister elope with a camel!, May a diseased yak take a liking to your sister, or the most famous: May the bird of paradise fly up your nose!. Function: _error_handler, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/page/index.php . , The Question: What is Bill OReillys latest book in his Killing Series? Kentucky: The state that is being dragged, kicking and screaming, into the 20th century. "Knickerbocker"Q. One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. Good place to get some thinking done"-- Mr. Blore, the DJ who would not die {hplabs, seismo}!hao!udenva!showardor {boulder, cires, ucbvax!nbires, cisden}!udenva!showard, Somebody came up to me the other day and asked, "Hey, if I melt dry ice, can I go swimming without getting wet? Is that a reptile? McMahon's closing announcement "I hold in my hand the last envelope" was always met with a loud cheer, prompting one final "curse". The answer was always an outrageous pun. sister. A: Quarter Pounder. Q: Describe Mick Jagger's nose. Clarnac: This crowd was applaud for a train wreck. Reviewed in the United States on April 2, 2015. Murine? As a child of four can plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed and kept in a #2 size mayonnaise jar on Dr. Faucis porch since noon today. The Question: What words of encouragement can you give to a person with a kidney stone? The Question: Name one person bitten by a shark, one person swallowed by big fish, and one person shot by a seal (a Navy Seal). More Quotes from Carnac the Magnificent show! Diary of a Mad Baseball Coach by Rick Clarke, (Original and slightly used comedy by Rick Clarke), I loved Johnny Carson and his character, Carnac the Magnificent. And I enjoyed every single minute of it.. A: "Leave it to Beaver." A: Short eyes. A: Old wive's tale. Q: What do you call an outhouse built on quicksand? A: Bambi, the White House grounds and the new TV season. A: Eleven. The Question: What is the only kind of science the president, the CDC, the FDA, Fauci, Big Pharma, and the media use to promote their COVID agendas? "How you must dread going to bed!" exclaimed Cynic. Q: How do you introduce your cat to a weeping willow? Q: What did Yul Givens give after eating a prune tree? ), These comedic missteps were an indication of Carnacs true prescient abilities. Carson as Carnac the Magnificent Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. sister's hope chest. A: Kris Kristofferson Talk show legend JOHNNY CARSON had already spent 16 years playing the comically clairvoyant Carnac the Magnificent when this photo was snapped in 1980. A: Big Ben, Joe Nameth and the candidates' campaign Q: What should the oil companies' new slogan be? . Q: Describe two people who like to cheat. May your enemies get cramps in their legs as they dance on your grave. A: Trapper John. Q: Where won't you see Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor? The Answer: Hes 97 and we dont know where the hell he is. #10. May you be blessed with a son so smart he learns the mourner's prayerbefore his Bar-Mitzvah speech. hope chest. The Answer: Three of the best years of his life. It is entirely fictitious. Q: Where do supermarkets store their meat? A: Zippo Marx. I just got a new DVD, and I am really excited about it, but I miss my childhood a little bit I guess. stardew valley weapon tier list; mississippi state treasurer Q: What do you call it when old topless dancers refuse to A: Peter Pan. KeyCastr. Q: What does Zsa Zsa Gabor call the center of a church? Q: What kind of holly would you find growing on your buddy? nowadays. A little hard to keep on. Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show. Legal experts contacted by Yahoo News said the idea of Trump telepathically declassifying government documents is absurd. My favorite Carnac(sp?) The answer: "Sis boom bah." May your children not forget you as they kneel to pray. Similar Items. A: "The Dumplings." Q: What sign did Queen Elizabeth hang on Princess A: You asked for it. A: "Here's Boomer." I forgot aboutyour total recall. , The Question: What is the female version of Viagra? The Answer: Liar, Liar, Pantsuit on Fire. The Answer: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering. Carnac the Magnificent, a turbaned psychic, could answer questions before seeing them. Line: 479 Clarnac: May a diseased yak leave a gift on your new carpet. A: Bible belt. May the bird of paridise fly up your noseMay an elephant caress you with its toesMay your wife be plaqued with runners in her hoseMay the bird of paridise fly up your nose, Ron Williams (not Tom Nadas, but an incredible simulation)--, UUCP: {decvax,linus,ihnp4,uw-beaver,allegra,utzoo}!utcsri!tomCSNET: tom@toronto, "Look over there, a dry ice factory. Line: 315 CARNAC: May a camel chip float in your martini. ED: And now I hold in my hand the last envelope. Commissary. The Question: What are three things less endangered than our freedom? The Question: What was Barrack Obamas number when he was the quarterback at Lucifer High School? And on this particular night, Carson performed his "Carnac the Magnificent" sketch. The Answer: Sinking faster than the Titanic. I have been collecting some things that are kind of obsolete now. ", Ed McMahon's favorite Carnac the Magnificent punchline[5]. Q: How many hospitals has Evil Knievel been in? Q: When should you plan on making a rest stop at a gas As a child of four can plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed. your only sister. There are a couple of ideas I've had to make this and I'm not sure which one would work best - and possibly there are other . Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. A: Supercalifragilisticexpialodocious and detente. plunger. Q: What's the smart thing to do if a Dallas Cowgirl touches Carnac the Magnificent. Q: Name the father of Mrs. Olsen's illegitamate baby. May the Shah of Iran seek refuge under your sister's skirt. The Question: What does Stacy Abrams call Tuesday? (Ben Dover) , The Question: What is Richard Schwartz fee if he collects for you? ", "Sis boom bah." A: Rough cut. A: Cyclone. A: Ultra-conservative. ANSWER: Kirk Douglas, Terhan Bey and Earl Butz. Q: What's the name of a drink made with beer and prune MORE OF THE BEST OF CARNAC THE MAGNIFICENT. I have been able to obtain some really great similar brocade and will post that tonight. when is a felony traffic stop done; saskatchewan ghost towns near saskatoon; affitti brevi periodi napoli vomero; general motors intrinsic value; nah shon hyland house fire Of course, our good friend the Serpent is still crawling around on his belly just as he was cursed to do (see Genesis 3:14), and thats not going to change anytime soon. New York Yankees vs Boston Red Sox Box Score: May 30, 1961 The Question: Whats the name of Bidens black, female affirmative action nominee to the Supreme Court? Pinside Pinball Top 100 Rating comments | Pinside Top 100 Q: Describe a double feature with Earthquake and The . Food is produced in abundance with machines that allow just a few people to operate massive farms with ease. Lot Closed - Sold Price: Estimate: $ 400 - $ 600. Q: What do you see if you hold your hernia up to a mirror? . A: Flypaper. Internet Forwards Q: What's a drink made with dry sack and prune juice? Q: What do they call the entrance to "The Gong . A: Touch and Go. Q: Where should you address all your mail? This is seriously one of the best pranks ever! The Question: How did Obiden sanction the Russians for invading Ukraine? In this memorable skit, Carson and Betty White stripped down to their skivvies to reenact the divorce proceedings for humanitys first couple. Lot #220 ED McMAHON JOHNNY CARSON CARNAC THE MAGNIFICENT HAT. A: Eight is enough. CARNAC: May your wife give mouth-to-mouth resusitation to After Carnac said an answer, McMahon would frequently repeat it in a booming voice ostensibly as a help to the audience setting up a sneer, putdown, or some other comic reaction from Carson. Q: What do you call tiny little dumps? Actually, I have to admit reading it in the book "Superman: Last Son ofKrypton" (which is [very] loosely based on the movie) in which Lex Luthor(responding to the question "You told me your second favorite pastime.What's first?") A: Henry R. Block. Q: What did Sonny Bono used to be? The Answer: Howdy Doody, Jerry Mahoney, and Joe Biden. night? Q: What do you call an agreement with Don Rickles? The Answer: Because they are afraid someone will clean them. Ed: Often times, thats exactly what Clarnac gets. Q: Name a leak, a Greek and a freak. I'm Carnac had a trademark entrance in which he always turned the wrong direction when coming onstage and then tripped on the step up to Johnny Carson 's desk during his 30-year run on the Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson (1962-1992). A: O'Hare. Carnac the Magnificent was one of the highlights of the Johnny Carson Show. If a joke bombed, Carnac went after the audience with all kinds of creative curses including, "May the Shah of Iran seek refuge under your sister's skirt!" . One of his characters, "Carnac the Magnificent," drew on his early entertainment work as a magician in Nebraska. A: Fondue. Carnac the Magnificent was one of the most popular recurring roles that Johnny Carson played on his show in 1964. Funny Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson Quotes A: Timbuktoo. A: Beethoven's Fifth. A: Ironware. This was to some degree a variation on Steve Allen's recurring "The Question Man" sketch. My question to you net.joke-sters out there: What is the funniest "ComedicCurse" you have heard? I've often used Carnac in my work, pretending to be him, when confronted with the unknowable, the unanswerable, the irrational questions for which no reasonable responses are going to solve the problem. The Question: What was the third grade to Jackson councilman Kenny Stokes? ED: Certainly worth waiting for Name, in reverse order, a droll comedian, the first name of a popcorn purveyor and a fat, self-absorbed, obnoxious loser!" . -- Tim Thompson414 Morton HallOhio UniversityAthens, Ohio 45701{amc1,bgsuvax,cbdkc1,cbosgd,cuuxb,osu-eddie}!oucs!tim. Q: What does it say on the side of Phyllis Diller's dress? , The Question: What is the leading cause of divorce? In the ongoing sketch, Carnac would draw a sealed envelope from a mayonnaise jar, and hold it to his forehead. (the curse). No more years! [1] Q: Where will the president of NBC be working soon? Carnac the Magnificent answers "A 100 yard dash" on The - YouTube Q: What do you need after Hamburger Helper? In fact, had Bilaam been successful in his attempt to curse us, the Jewish people would have been destroyed, G-d forbid. She said, Why didnt you go around me?. A: Shoo-be-doo-be-doo. Function: require_once. Q: Name three things on the endangered species list. ED McMAHON JOHNNY CARSON CARNAC THE MAGNIFICENT HAT The Question: Who can steal more money than a thousand men with guns and masks? The Question: How did the dinosaurs become extinct? A: Clean air, a virgin and a gas station open on Sunday. "Opens envelope for question: "Name two hockey players and a hockeypuck. A: Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition. May you get your first French kiss from a diseased camel. A: The eye of a frog, the wing of a fly and the throat of a Q: Name the loser in the 1976 presidential race. Q: What's the only thing President Carter didn't promise Q: What do you do if a Chinese laundry ruins your shirts? The audience was silent as Carson and Midler sang an a cappella version of the song Heres That Rainy Day. Its a sweet and sincere moment that youd be hard pressed to find in todays late-night lineup. Q: What's in Jimmy Dean's sausages? "You Light Up My Life.". A: Milk and honey. A: The Sugarland Express. Click image to enlarge. The Temple was destroyed, and Israel was left with neither kings nor kingdom. CARNAC: May an untouchable take a liking to your only A: Pipe dream. http://www.torchweb.org/torah_detail.php?id=470, torchweb@gmail.com May your platform shoes fail you in a camel pasture. Adam and Eve had more problems than that forbidden apple. (Wait for it! The Phantom of the Opera, The Lion King, and Donald Trumps mouth. Currently showing results page 1,636 of 2,021. , The Question: Where do you go for a drive-through facelift? Q: Describe the Nixon income tax deductions. A: Deep freeze. Q: Describe the five finalists in the Miss Universe [1] Quotes by Carnac The Magnificent - Page 2 - TheQuotation Station Carnac the Magnificent "May Yule Gibbens eat your pine trees!" , The Question: Whats the only way to get your spouse to listen to you? Imgflip Pro Basic removes all ads. Q: Where do New Yorkers put their dogs muzzles? A: R-O-L-A-I-D-S. The Answer: Noah Daniels and Little Mort. It is original material for the most part. . One of Carson's most well known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the east" who could psychically "divine" unseen answers to unknown questions. A: Old wives tale. Johnny Carson's Greatest Moments From Carnac to a Python Grapple In article <42@kestrel.ARPA> t@kestrel.ARPA writes: > Comedic or not, "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits" is. Q: What does a stupid altar boy do? A: Earth, Wind and Fire. 200 views, 3 upvotes. The famous sage and soothsayer, all-knowing, all-seeing, all-omniscient, a weekend proctologist, and former Twitter advisor for President Donald J. Trump. hair". Johnny Carson Tonight Show script collection 2630 There were skits performed such as Carnac the Magnificent, an "all-knowing seer," and the elderly Aunt Blabby. A client of mine was hosting a dinner party, wanted to entertain her guests by re-enacting this skit between Johnny Carson and Ed . Only this curse was not humorous at all. Q: What do you call getting hit with a fistfull of peanuts. In article <10@udenva.UUCP> sho@udenva.UUCP (Mr. Blore) writes. Describe the sound you hear when a sheep blows up!! Although Bilaams curses were many, all of the other curses - save the one for Houses of Prayer and Study - eventually came to pass. drip. Q: What should be posted on Howard Cosell's tongue? Q: What do you call a sadistic tailor? A: Kaleidoscope. Return to Political Humor A: Fists of fury and five fingers of death. I found something I always wanted to do, Carson said. Question Man". Ed McMahon would hand Carson a series of envelopes containing questions, said to have been hermetically sealed and kept in a mayonnaise jar on Funk & Wagnallsporch since noon today.. A: Black feet. Then, he would read the question: What does an alligator get on welfare? Some of the jokes were feeble, and McMahon used pauses after terrible puns and audience groans to make light of Carsons lack of comic success (Carnac must be used to quiet surroundings), prompting Carson to return an equal insult. Forum Novelties. May you fall in the outhouse just as a regiment of Ukrainians finishes aprune stew and twelve barrels of beer.
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carnac the magnificent curses